Back to the Future ? (Another Old Draft Post)

Ooooo - I'm sad I never finished this one.... it got too heavy though :/. I miss her so much.

So... I'm really about to completely copy someone -lol. I was on FB and saw a post about someone else's tumblr, and the person made a post responding to this:

"Explain your current situation to your five-year-ago self" - I thought that this idea was so amazing, and so... appropriate for me right now anyway. Sort of like myself today, giving advice to my past self, and in the process making my current self feel stronger? The way the person wrote it - was more like advice, telling their former self all the things they will accomplish, and all the things they can look forward to - I'm not sure how I want to format mine... Idk...but, I want to try it =) So, here goes.

to my 2006 self:

Damn... you're getting old! haha, well, at least that's what I know you're probably thinking right now. LOL. Nah - but honestly 23 me, your life is really just beginning. (hard to fathom considering all that you've been through already at this age). I want to personally thank you for being so strong during those years. I know it would have helped to have a shoulder, or someone to really talk to and understand you - but, in the absence of those things - I think we did a pretty damn good job! Some of your best memories are about to happen to you!!!!

Still haven't been on a plane yet have you? HAHAHA, that sounds so funny to me right now - trust me, you'll soon get over that fear fast! AND you'll travel the WORLD...well, at least some parts as of now - I'm working on the other parts. haha. You're going to go to Florida, Hawaii, Europe and see tons of different countries there. You're gonna get drunk off of beer - YES - I said BEER!!! who would have thunk it right?! Believe it or not - beer isn't nasty all over the world. Hahaha. You're mind is going to absorb so much from traveling... you'll never forgive yourself for not doing it sooner. A bit of advice - don't freak out the moment that you arrive in France...LOL... everything will be okay. Haha.

There are also some really life changing things that will happen in the next 6 years. You will have your heart broken... at least 2 times. You will loose someone that has been monumental in your life. When that happens, when you start to loose her - PLEASE...and I'm BEGGING this one of you.. Please don't let your fears get in the way of cherishing those last moments that you have with her. It's all real, She will pass, and you will never get to see, or feel her again - make the most....no matter what - you have the rest of your life to either be afraid, or live. Please choose life sooner - look at all the years you've wasted on not getting on a plane! lol

In My Drafts

I wrote this post a while ago - it was sitting in my drafts folder. I'm just going to post everything that is in my drafts... They have been there forever and I have yet to go back and complete them...and honestly  - I probably wont. It's so hard to go back to the middle of a passage or thought that you were writing, and get the same inspiration from the source... anywho - this was the post...:

I learned at some point this week that it takes real strength to cry. Let me try to explain what I mean:

Apparently feeling bad about something, anything, in this western world is taboo. We are so focused on 'being okay' that we don't let our emotions take us to places that we were made to go as human beings... if we weren't supposed to cry, our tear ducts wouldn't weld up whenever we felt the urge. Crying is a reaction that I get often to ANY extreme emotion that I feel - anger, happiness, sadness, loneliness, even love... it helps me to recognize that the feeling that I'm feeling, whatever it is, is real, and that it's effected me, in ways that not a lot of things in this world can.
Just the other day, my daughter and I were in borders and she was reading this book, something like "the book of good things...or things that make me feel good" or whatever, and in the book it said "crying when I'm said makes me feel good" - she read that line, and then read it aloud again, and then she looked at me and uttered... "crying when you're sad doesn't feel good! It feels bad!"... and me, trying to be the best mommy I can be and wanting to teach her every lesson that I know she can't comprehend yet, spent the next 5 minutes trying to tell her why it feels good to cry. I guess there's truth in the statement, "you learn while you teach".

Life Goals

I guess this stuff just aint my thing... I could just have too many expectations...just hope I figure this shit out before I die...