Friendly Letter

Best Friend,

I miss you. Things just aren't the same without you here. Yes, i know that with time, things will get better and maybe some things will be just as they were before - but right now, I miss you - and I'm okay with that.

I'm so glad that we have been able to make so many wonderful memories together, and hope that we can continue to build on our memory album. I'm thankful and grateful for the awkward, hurtful, and painful memories too - they highlight the good ones and are a sign of our growth.

I know that you'll never leave my thoughts, prayers, and memories, but I pray that you never leave my life.

Your friendship has meant the world to me, and your love is unsurpassed. In the years that I've known you, my heart has shed it's skin and continues to grow. You've shown me the best of your soul, and I have displayed mine to you as well.

Where ever our lives decide to take us, I know we will both be happy and joyful because our souls are. Even if we are not physically together, our souls will soar together, lifting each other higher, towards our goals - guiding and lighting the way. We will protect each other - forever, I'm sure.

Our hearts have watched the other grow, and bleed, and love - that is the best gift that life can ever give anyone. At this very moment, I feel so very lucky. I don't hope that you feel the same way, because my heart tells me you do, my soul feels it; and it is happy because of it.

I love the beauty that exudes from your spirit and often wish that your spirit was the sun and that I could bathe in it - letting it kiss my skin and warm my body right to my soul. I can only thank you for all that you are for me, and to me - and offer to you the same from me. I love you so very much. Thank you my loving friend.

From my soul to yours.

Fighting my fears

As the end of the semester nears, I fear what I've always feared every since my adult life: Idleness. It seems that with each passing year idleness seems to scare me even more. It's such a catch 22 with me. I want things to do, so I fill my schedule up to the brim, and then I'm stressed out and complain. I've yet to find an even medium.

More often than not, I'm filing up my time to help me NOT think about issues that I know are bothering me or affecting me...this needs to stop.

Honestly, I'm tired of being told by people close to me that I have a brick up - that I'm a great emotional actress - because the honest to God truth is that I want so much to be honest about my feelings and emotions - my most inner ones. But, I'm so afraid of being vulnerable, and being hurt. I'm afraid of being seen as less of a strong person - of being judged for my choices and decisions in life - and probably even more - afraid to admit that sometimes, I have no idea about me and my life and how I'm supposed to feel.

Sometimes I feel so unbreakable, so confident in my life, goals, ambitions, etc. - and other times, I wonder.....
I know this is normal, but it feels terrifying every time. I like stability, but so much of my life is unstable right now - and I'm off balance because of it. It's harder to fight battles when you're not grounded in something... I just feel like my footing is kind of off right now.