Faith - what it means to me.

From http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faith:

1 a: allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1): fidelity to one's promises (2): sincerity of intentions
2 a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust
3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction ; especially : a system of religious beliefs faith

So, what the fuck does this mean anyway? I mean, we all know what "He acted in good faith" means... but that's not the type of faith that I'm talking about - I'm talking about the faith that makes the statement "I have faith that he will act in good faith."
Seriously, about 2 years ago, I wouldn't even begin to waste my time contemplating over what faith was... It was just something religious people said to look more "religious" in front of us other "common" folk.... but, in these past years, I've come to realize how faith can be an important part of life and growth - perhaps, or maybe, what I've come to realize is - that I want to explore faith and what it means in life and how it all connects to everything or how it connects everyone.. I want to know more - and coming from a place that I've been - that's amazing.


I'm not sure that I completely understand it, or that I ever really will - but I guess that's the whole premise of the thing... believing in something, that you're not sure of, or believing in something that can't be proven or verified, or promised, or predicted... just knowing that things will workout, no matter what - faith. What things work out to be is a completely different story - but the belief that things will - goodness - it's amazing.



It doesn't sound amazing.. like - just believing? I mean, anyone can do that right? So what's the big difference? I don't know... and that's what i'm trying to find out - it's a daunting task... but, it is most rewarding. I think that I'm taking the right steps, I mean, in order to fully believe something, a piece of you - even if it's tiny, must want to believe in it.... and, I'm guessing the next part is to believe in your belief.. if that makes any sense at all - that is the step that I'm on right now - which for me poses an almost impossible task - I barely believe in myself, and the things that I do now that are tangible - how the heck am I supposed to trust my ideas, my beliefs that the ideal that I have for something in the future will happen and be just because it's the "right thing" to happen. I mean - I guess with faith comes patience... Look at the Hebrews... but despite it all - they had faith - and they overcame...



I know I have faith - I can feel it - I tell my boyfriend all the time that I have faith in us - and this is the first time that I've ever felt this way... and I can't really describe it - so, is what I'm feeling really faith, or just a really strong hope - or is there even a difference? I'm sure there are many times when people have faith in things and in the end - their faith just wasn't enough - what then? do you then turn and blame it on destiny, or fate, or something like that? Or do you blame the person and say "well - your faith must not have been strong enough".. or do you just chalk it up as mis-guided faith - if there is even such a thing... when this happens, can we just say that it was just a really strong hope, and not faith?



I think my fear is that in believing in faith so much, I will be completely immersed in it and be devastated if my faith proved to be "wrong". It's so hard to believe in today's world, it's so hard to even live. I'm afraid that if I believe in faith as much as I believe in love - I may be hurt doubly as bad when one or two of the things don't go the way I want - I mean, how can you have faith in something that you don't love? You need that intensity of love, admiration, devotion... to even fathom the thought of "having faith" in it - I mean, you can believe it - but do you have faith? ---



well - this was just a big ramble with no big conclusion or bang - but, that's whats going on in my head so... I'll keep my faith search updated.. am sure it will change as I do - as does the world. anywho... that's all I have to say about that. for now.. :)

While you wait... 25 Random Things

Okay- so this was originally supposed to be a facebook post.. but I couldn't think of 25 random things about me (I am so uninspiring sometimes)... anywho... so, now that I've finally got the list down, the whole facebook thing is over - so I figured I would post it on my blog to help me get out of this writing (or lack there of) rut that I'm in.. hopefully it works... I have about 7 "drafts" that I've been working on over the last month - but just haven't been able to lock down a thought, emotion, position, whatever.. anywho... I feel it coming.. just hold on to your screens and be prepared! :)

In the meantime, please enjoy these intermissions:

___________________ 25 random things about Yvonne, By Yvonne _______________

1. Contrary to popular belief, I’m really not happy, smiling and excited all the time (but most of the time :0) ).

2. I live at least 10 other lives hypothetically in my mind everyday

3. I believe that love is the purpose of life…or at least part of it somewhere

4. I’ve actually pictured two old wrinkled people having sex

5. I don’t really like watermelon or grape/purple drinks.

6. I’m a social wallflower, until picked, and then I just completely bloom.

7. I secretly wish I was a writer.

8. My aunt and uncle had to stop taking me to the video store with them because I would run off to the “adult” section and gleefully yell “Boobies” at the top of my lungs… thank goodness I yelled in Vietnamese! Lol.

9. I come up with my best ideas and thoughts while driving.

10. This list just made me realized that I’m not as funny as I thought I was

11. I have a freakish pen fetish… I love them!!!

12. I’ve gotten through most of my life with these words “eh, I don’t care, you choose”

13. If I get really excited I make this rumbly, throaty growl. (surprisingly, this is not sexual in nature)

14. Filmore slim and Dru down have been to my bar more than once.

15. I blurt out song quotes in the most inappropriate situations – all the time.

16. I hate nails scratching on a chalk board... that would be the perfect form of torture for me.

17. Sometimes I feel like an old person trapped in a young persons body.

18. Sometimes I feel like a kid trapped in an adults life.

19. I used to eat taco bell's mild taco sauce packets and drink water on my way home from school.

20. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. ( I know, generic...but random)

21. I like country music (there, I've finally admitted it...)

22. I can't stand drippy faucets or anything that makes little noises like a ticking alarm clock or something.

23. My tummy itches when I drink alcohol.

24. My toenail on my right big toe got pulled off by a door when I was 6. (it's grown back.. don't be too grossed out)

25. I still doodle the name of the person I love with hearts and stars next to them. (yes, I know... I'm working on growing up.)